OWD GIT

OWD GIT.

Good god I am feeling old, the coal fire is roaring yet I still feel the cold, I used to skip down the street like a young lad at play, I soon gave that up as I began to impersonate a road sign when both my knees GAVE WAY!

My ancient bones now creak and groan, my teeth wobble when biting a soft scone, I now buy books with bigger print, two swigged pints, I am off to the lavi quicker than a Usain Bolt sprint.

When I was young eeee I could pull the chicks, now they pull me,OUT OF THE WAY OF SPEEDING TRUCKS!

Sex ha don’t make me laugh, I get out of breath if I see a woman scantily clad, I’ve put my fruit and veg in their little sick bed ,then phoned for Doctor Viagra but even he could not raise the dead! what used to be firm and round now sag, my scrotum now remind me of two empty shopping bags, swinging and chafing like marbles in a sack, I am sure if they had string attached they would go clickity clack.

God I feel so old, I groan like a staircase in a stately home ,my back bends the same curved way, so when I look forward I am looking the other way, and what’s with this aura, this linger, someone said I smell like an un-hoovered  Axminster, well for sure I am rather well worn, I might try a bath it’s been a month or two since I have had one.

Good Lord I am so old, and so I should after carting around meat and black pudd, my creaking bones are mistaken for an annoying door hinge, my hearing aid packs in when wanting relatives ring, I loved going to disco’s but now I foxtrot, my hair as thinned so much that I resemble friar tuck on top, for a time I discreetly wore a wig, the posh name you no is a toupee, but I got loads of weird looks I suppose the ginger didn’t match my sides of grey.

Gracious me I am feeling old I am still looking for the car that I forgot I had sold, but hey all’s not that bad, life’s about happiness not winging or being sad I don’t need jewels, gold or wealth why would I when I have got my bloody aching health! Cough cough